How to write a thank-you note

November 13, 2013



I'm writing a batch of thank-you notes this morning. I actually love writing thank-you notes -- I've never seen them as a chore, not even after James and I got married and had to write notes to each of our 200+ guests. It was kind of nice, actually, to sit down in the evening with a plate of leftover wedding cake and reconnect with memories from our special day that we shared with each guest.

I don't consciously use a template for writing my thank-you notes, but I have noticed that I tend to structure my messages similarly each time I write them. When people mention that they (or their kids) frequently get writer's block when writing thank-yous, I always want to share my little formula, which looks something like this:

1. Thank you for the specific thing that person gave/did.  Thank you for the concert tickets. 
2. How the gesture made you feel in the moment.  It was so generous of you to pass them along to us. 
3. How it makes you feel now: I still can't believe how much fun we had that night. 
4. In a new paragraph, offer a compliment or offer to return the favor. The next time Bieber is in town, I'm taking you. 
5. Thank them again -- for something more general this time. Thanks for being such a thoughtful friend. 

An example:

Dear Maura,  
Thank you so much for babysitting little Jean the other day. It was such a relief to be able to make my appointment and I am so grateful that you were able to take her on short notice.  
I'm here to return the favor anytime! You're the best. Thanks for being such a wonderful neighbor.  
Love, 
Eliza 

Some tips: Don't exaggerate or overdo it -- doing that is the quickest way to sound insincere. Use synonyms -- "nice" is nice, but "wonderful, amazing, kind" are all more interesting and less generic. Try to sign off with something better than "Sincerely" (unless you are writing a business thank you). And always, always handwrite if you can.

The thing I like best about this method is that it makes it easy to be sincere. It's hard to sound rote when you are really considering the nice thing that was done for you and how it made you feel. It's basically just the first rule of writing (write what you know) boiled down into a few lines.

Do you like writing thank you notes? Do your kids? Do you have a favorite stationery to use? I am a huge Crane & Co. fan but I have to admit I like a lot of the cute notes Target has had lately.

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4 comments

  1. I need to stock up on stationary - Joy is now old enough to send thank-you cards (handwritten, usually accompanied by a cute drawing) for gifts, and she cleaned out my collection after her birthday. We'll be sunk after Christmas if I don't get more!

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    Replies
    1. I love that she writes her own notes! I usually let Anouk draw something but I can't wait until she can write them herself! So cute. :)

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  2. This is great advice. Seriously. I struggle with thank you notes for some reason. Probably because I either feel like I'm gushing or fee lame.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! It's a fine balance between the two, it really is.

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